Leave a God-Shaped Space

I don’t know who needs to hear this, today, but they make tactical vehicles for wildland and urban firefighting that carry a couple thousand gallons of water and are equipped with water cannons, able to forcefully direct the water in a stream of terrifying but nonlethal force, hundreds of feet in any direction.  Those can be deployed as riot control, and possibly kicked up a notch with raw sewage, or at the least, a strong dye agent which will allow LE more ease of rounding up perps later.  Just wanted to mention that, in case anyone in charge of riot control reads my blog.

Actually, I’ve always wondered why we don’t do a better job with nonlethal force, here, for police.  I could be naive and not aware of what we have done, and the limitations, possibly.  I did not realize rubber bullets were that huge — I’d always heard about them, but wow, the weapon that discharges them has got to be awkward to carry.  Police have tasers, which malfunction sometimes — everything malfunctions sometimes, and at the worst possible moment no doubt.  The tasers have a bit of a range, but nothing like a bullet.  

It would just be stupendous if all our frivolous tech advances could yield, one of these days, a highly effective but entirely nonlethal directed energy weapon — like what California’s getting but on a smaller scale lmaooo.  (I have no idea if California wildfires are directed energy weapons, I’m just not ruling anything out at this point in time.  They do have strange burn patterns.)  Or some kind of laser gun that could be dialed up to lethal, perhaps with an additional safety due the frequency with which officers’ guns are gotten from them and turned against them, but otherwise paralyzing and non-lethal.  

It just doesn’t seem far-fetched to me.  We have all this other tech-y stuff, and police officers are still in this terrible situation, with cold hard bullets as a resort.  They don’t want to kill people; what they want is to make it home alive.  It would be great if everyone, everywhere, knew: the police can’t kill you.  They can’t.  They can stun the shit out of you, though, and cuff you up and haul you off to be immediately released without bail because COVID, or because a celebrity bailed you out.  

Wonderful celebrities — it’s amazing that they can take time away from their busy pedovore schedules, busily deleting tens of thousands of tweeted references to pizza that are obviously code, and make me vomit in my mouth now that I know that, and their otherwise resounding media silence to gently return some thugs to their natural habitat — the streets, where they belong, accosting people — like when Nick and I gently carry moths outside and release them, during nightly cleanings.  Beautiful.

The Washington Post did an article on what we know about Kyle Rittenhouse, and there’s never been a denser collection of wonderful things delivered in a more sneering tone.  Like, I don’t even know how you arrange a tone that sneery around such factoids as, in lieu of 16th birthday presents he asked everyone to donate to this Humanizing the Badge thing, an organization that strengthens care and concern between police and their local communities.  Seriously, how do you sneer about that??  The Washington Post managed it, smh.  

It made me remember how I felt, wearing my BDU’s to the grocery store or to get gas or go into a restaurant, occasionally, during my 12 years in the Guard (Army 6yrs, Air Force almost 6 — long story).  There are rules about that — you can’t go drinking in your BDU’s unless you’re on post or on base, that type of thing.  Anyway, the symbolism of a uniform really is so strong.  People’s reactions to you are heightened and polarized.  I’d have older people come up and thank me for my service (little did they know how little I did, in the scheme of things), and younger people…idk, display very clear body language of disapproval and discomfort.  During the stupid shoehorned 9/11 retaliation days, I wanted to say HEY!  I think it’s stupid too!  Just because I’m wearing this uniform doesn’t mean I turned my brain off.  

And however we frame gender, here, there’s some additional calculation that occurs when you’re a female in uniform.  It’s like, two meta-symbols being processed at once, and in conjunction with each other, and you see that on people’s faces.  

So as someone who’s banged around the world in uniform, a bit, I’m naturally immunized against automatically dehumanizing other people in uniforms, which is a skill the Millennials are lacking, I think.  

I remember, in Flagstaff, the national capital of Chakos with sock-os, slightly sideways visors, and Carharrts as loungewear, you’d see people walking by in three piece suits and skirt suits, carrying briefcases, and there was this tangible sense of disdain.  I may have even projected it, participated in it, sometimes.  That’s a type of uniform, believe it or not, with associations of success and employment and desks and paperwork and money, and the good people of Flagstaff don’t stand for it.  (Apparently I have some trauma to process — I’m aware that, at the end of the day, this is all me, and I really appreciate the reader’s patience with whatever this emotional kidney stone turns out to be.) 

The symbolism of the white coat is just about my least favorite, probably.  I can’t say anything about the person inside the white coat, except that he’ll likely steer you towards low weights, high reps, if you must exercise, which you shouldn’t, except for something involving bands and bosu balls.  Anyway, it’s not whatever the person in the white coat thinks, it’s that tendency to abdicate personal responsibility in the face of the white coat.  Just tell me what’s wrong with me, and what pills to take about it.  

I can much more easily imagine rising up against the tyranny of the white coats — still ridiculous, but more personally accessible — than the tyranny of police officers.  Police officers are, in my experience, unusually good people.  Unusually funny, tough, perceptive, kind, capable, and just plain human.  Like, they have more human per square inch than the average person you meet, in the world.  I haven’t gotten on their bad side because, you know, there are 99 ways to stay on their good side and literally only one way to get on their bad side, and it’s really easy to avoid that.  

I know there’s darkness there.  I mean, we live in the emotional dark ages.  If you create one strata of public servant to deal, definitionally, with the worst of the churn humanity has to offer, they’re gonna cross-infect each other with low-consciousness energy.  Constant interface with the criminal element will erode the officer’s enamel, and officers who thrive on conflict and adrenaline, whether justly or unjustly generated, will find themselves attracted to, and rising up within, that particular meritocracy.  I mean, an officer who can’t handle stress, danger, conflict and adrenaline just ain’t gonna make it, or at least that supposition coheres with everything I know about everything.  It’s the same issue, but worse in a sense, with our returning vets — “go initiate, and experience, the lowest forms of human savagery — and now come back and be okay.”  (That one meme: a little cartoon dog, sitting in a room that’s on fire — ‘this is fine’.)  

I just think it’s pretty ironic that the same people who are alerting us to the nothing-if-not-obvious fact that LE officers can, and indeed must, be savage, at times, even within the checks and balances of their highly organized role, are themselves enacting savagery, from several clicks down the chakra scale, in an attempt to convince everyone we should remove the only thing standing between us and them, the mob, which is of course the police.  (And Kyle Rittenhouse!)  

Most of what I learned, growing up, I learned from reading X-Men comics, and from the X-Men comics I learned that Nightcrawler [bammf] had barely escaped a murderous mob, as a child, in his hometown in Germany.  Literally, that’s how I learned about mobs.  And I haven’t learned anything, since, that’s served to qualify or update my X-Men understanding of murderous mobs; it’s only been corroboration.  

Mobs coagulate, they always have some infinitely stupid mantra to chant, they can’t be reasoned with, they cease functioning as individuals, they do things, collectively, none of them would do individually, and they trend towards savagery with terrifying zeal, grasping the practical likelihood of individual immunity to consequence.  “If enough of us misbehave, we’re all in the clear.”  I do this same thing with speeding, actually.  I go the speed limit when it’s just me, but if I’m surrounded by speeding cars, there’s no way they’re gonna get me for speeding, unless I’m commercial and represent a nice fat ticket.  

I think mobs are just about the most frightening thing on earth.  They’re a collective and violent abdication of personal responsibility and rationality, a physical embodiment of the worst impulses humanity has to offer, which most of civilization has served to regulate and suppress.  Worst of all, they’re contagious.  

I’m not much a fan of the whole “animal bodies = bad, human intellect = good, humans must constantly reject ‘baser’ parts of themselves in favor of ‘pure’ parts of themselves in order to triumph over everything the animal kingdom, and oh incidentally women and dark skinned people, represent” philosophy.  It gets tied in with all this other nonsense, too — these entities have souls, but these do not, type thing.  So it’s times like these, when we have something that definitely merits rejecting and suppressing — ie the mob — that we’re most in danger of skewing too hard the other way.  Like, the DNC muted all references to God, even from the dang Pledge of Allegiance, and the RNC knocked itself out, mentioning God and Jesus and prayer and alla dat.  

I have a lot of thoughts about that.  Whew, where to start.  First off, Nick and I had an intense but fun verbal tete-a-tete about it.  He identified that this commitment to a god-vacuum, on the part of the Left, correlates exactly with having zero brakes on the demoralization process — literally de-MORAL-izing people, which has now deteriorated all the way to being culturally tenderized to accept pedophilia as a sexual orientation — AT THE SAME TIME as child sex rings and CPS fails getting broken up, busted, and exposed, at a pace that seems to be increasing exponentially.  (And we all know why.  Or if we don’t, we’re about to.)   

Interestingly, Nick and I listened to a 1984 interview with Yuri Bezmenov, born to a high ranking KGB officer, who defected to America from his career with the press arm of the KGB, at great personal risk, in 1970 after becoming disgusted with Soviet ideology, and explained the process of ideological subversion, aka psychological warfare, against another country.  It’s a four step process, intended to change the collective perception of reality so that, even in the face of evidence, no one is able to come to sensible conclusions relative to the wellbeing of themselves, their friends, their family, in keeping with the basic values of Americanism.  The first step is demoralization (takes 1-2 generations, and is accomplished mostly at the universities — “mostly done by Americans to Americans”, with the indoctrinating Americans then becoming disposable); then destabilization (2-5 years involving economy, foreign relations, military defense); then crisis (about 6 weeks); then “normalization”, which is backwards talk for indefinite not-normal.  It was his impression that the communist subversion of America was going very well, from the prospective of his previous employers, even back in 1984, and that this was cause for great concern.  

So for me, as a recovering liberal but having never lost my moral compass, I think this is all very delicate territory.  This is brain surgery, not shooting fish in a barrel, which I would never do.  Antifas in a barrel: maybe.  Like: historically, when I hear the phrase “family values”, typically from the Right, I break out in a rash.  And you know what — I ran across a pretty good compilation of all the known, criminally tried pedophiles on both sides of the aisle, Republican and Democrat, which maybe I’ll include at the end of this blog, so you can feel the same revulsion I did.  I’ve been suspicious of the social overreach of Republicans and the Right for years, and I don’t think I was wrong about that.  You can’t reject values foundational to the American experience wholesale, as the Left is doing, but when you’ve got the other party pushing “family values” AND playing host to a bunch of baby rapers at the same time — well, there’s a loss of credibility, let’s just say.  

The Left has been not only dropping “god” out of the equation like the hottest and least interesting potato for years, but actively creating a thought-climate in which you’re just pathetic if you subscribe to God, or even to a faith-based practice.  Meditation is borderline okay, as long as you don’t actually believe you’re connecting with anything larger than yourself.  I mean, I’ve been out of the spiritual closet for way longer than I’ve been out of the conservative closet, and “fellow” liberals have looked at me like I just grew a dildo out of my forehead when I mention spirituality and a personal spiritual practice as being the entire point, for me — the entire context in which I assess reality and its meaning.  We’re handicapping ourselves to an enormous degree, relying on the intellect for everything — and then even worse, not relying on our own intellect, but on the media’s portrayal of other people’s intellects, that were themselves not only misrepresented but initially diluted through the committee-think process.  (Sorry, I read Ayn Rand as a kid — I have no reverence for the Committee per se.)  To me it’s just obvious that having a personal spiritual practice is, like, the most actually intellectual thing I could do.  

Anyway, some people get this, some people don’t.  People on the Right are confused that it’s so vague and not just, you know, church and Jesus.  People on the Left are, like, embarrassed for me — “keep your voice down!,” looking around, not wanting to be seen drinking coffee with someone gauche enough to pray about things.  

TL,DR: the Left considers it really tacky and regressive to think or do any type of god stuff.  

Now, the Right hasn’t helped!  They’ve taken church and made it the same arbitrarily exclusive boys club you see everywhere.  No gays, no women in leadership, no gender queers, frequent instances of smarm on the part of the white male church leadership, and of course worst case scenario, such as with Catholicism, the overt practice of pedophilia and child sex grooming built into the power structure.  So, yeah, the Left rejects god and religion, and the Right provides infinite good reasons to reject god and religion, at the surface level.  

But to the extent that the Left envisions itself the emissary and savior of, say, black people (and I’ll capitalize ‘black’ once we start capitalizing ‘white’, which ain’t gonna happen, so I’m rolling lowercase indefinitely) AND rejects religion and ‘family values’, whatever that means, wholesale, we’ve got problems because the church is a very positive and stabilizing influence in black communities, to say the least.  

My cardiopulmonary class cohort was white or Hispanic (I feel okay capitalizing that, for whatever reason) except for one black guy — Winfrey — and Winfrey was the only one of us to get himself involved with a community church during Phases 2 and 3 of our 1.5 year-long training.  He loved to sing, and I guess this church had a bangin gospel (is that supposed to be capitalized? Shit’s complicated —) choir, and Winfrey would invite us all to their Sunday service, every single week.  No one wanted to do that on a Sunday, with the high likelihood of being hung over, but he kept inviting and talking it up, and finally one Sunday I went.  

I have never felt so white in my life.  And I’ve been the only white person in the room, the auditorium, the building, the country dance, more times in my life than I can count.  But this was, like — standing up, swaying, singing (I didn’t know the words), raising our hands up.  I didn’t want to be rude and remain seated; I didn’t want to be disrespectful through over-mimicry — it was, rhetorically speaking, a tough call, and highly unnatural to me.  White people don’t do all that, even in church, in my experience.  It was really beautiful and really awkward at the same time.  

Winfrey was young, and in my view could have easily molded himself to whatever influence, constructive or destructive, just based on his personality.  He was fun to tease, because it was easy to get him all tangled up.  You spend a year and a half in close quarters with a random group of people, everyone’s buttons get pushed, eventually, and on purpose.  (My button that got pushed was ethical veg, of course, in this environment that tragically involved medical testing on live pigs)  What else you gonna do all day, besides push each others’ buttons, and learn about hearts and lungs and ventilators and airways.  

So just based on that anecdotal, microcosmic experience, I can say — Winfrey was a kid who could have easily been off in the weeds, minus a good influence, and he was culturally geared towards the influence of church, and it was a very, very good thing.  

So the Left rejecting religion, which the Right advances in sometimes appalling ways: I get it.  The Left seeing themselves as political ambassadors to black communities: okay, I can see that.  Both of those things put together: NO.  

So watching the DNC press ‘mute’ on all things God was concerning, and watching the RNC talk God up was…in our current context less concerning, because it was always coupled with an advocacy for everyone’s freedom to practice the religion of their choice, but still relevant as regards this tete-a-tete between Nick and I.  He’s skeptical of the demoralizing effect of cultural godlessness, whereas I’m skeptical of the pseudo-moralizing effect of American cultural Christianity.  To put it another way: if I wanted my hypothetical child to have an actual education, I wouldn’t send them to public school, and if I wanted them to have an actual relationship with God, I wouldn’t send them to church.  And if I wanted them to have a healthy functioning body, I wouldn’t send them to the doctor.  So that’s where I’m at.  Pretty much a total irreverence for the symbols that are supposed to imply the presence of the things. 

Fortunately, I see the American self-governance project as being heavily identified with creating a *space* for God, and leaving it at that, which is just fine.  Even atheists and scientologists can do something useful, I presume, with a protected, but otherwise blank, god-shaped space.  

What does this have to do with mobs?  Depends.  Some of the most murderous mobs in human history have been united in their idea of God, so the two mindsets aren’t mutually exclusive.  A relationship with god, in whatever sense, is this thing that no one can give you if you’re not hungry for it, and no one can prevent you from having if you are hungry for it, so it’s kind of a moot point.  

I just can’t wrap my head around it, though; how you get from walkin-around-normal to that — screaming at Rand Paul to say Breonna Tayler’s name, when he’s the one who wrote the dang Justice for Breonna Tayler Act (new info released indicates she was at least knee-deep in the criminal element, and not simply an innocent EMT asleep in her bed — see tatumreport.com for more), shrieking obscenities from three inches away, at people trying to get from Point A to Point B, and that’s the least of it.  Not everyone in the mob has the stones for violence, fortunately, but they sure do love shrieking obscenities.  They’re really good at it, too.  I could definitely see us adding a new Olympic Games event: obscenity shrieking.  These woke white women are really feelin their oats, amiright?  

A casual surveil of the news this morning reveals Portland Mayor Ted Wheeler still, personally, under siege, in his apartment building, which is the least of what he deserves.  A treason charge would be better.  The public officials in these cities must have all been made from the same batch of weak clay.  How is it that I, a low-level blogger in the trades, understand you don’t negotiate with terrorists, and they, ranking leaders of our nation, don’t?  Is it because they didn’t read X-Men comics?  Has to be that.  And, looks like mob violence in DC, Sacramento, Denver, and OBVIOUSLY Portland, because why would anyone stop now, in Portland.  We’re approaching, what, three continuous months of rioting there?  Maybe it’s a good thing I’m not a mayor because I would nuke my own city before I’d have that.  Which is why I wouldn’t have that.  

I’ll have to look into the details after I post this blog — how many more Kyle Rittenhouses have emerged, best case scenario, or how many more raccoons were beaten to death with baseball bats in order to decry police brutality, worst case scenario.  I’m never letting that one go, by the way.  It will never be let go, by me.  It was the most heartbreaking thing I’ve seen, from the entire nightmare.  I’m not linking it because I don’t want anyone else to have to see it.  You can search it up on your own, if you’re inclined.  

I can say, from a woo-woo metaphysical perspective if not from a Baby Jesus (or Jesus with a mullet, rock ’n roll Jesus with angel wings, inexplicably Caucasian Jesus despite Middle Eastern descent, goth-core perma-crucified Jesus, oddly shredded washboard abs Jesus looking actually pretty fine in that loincloth, or any other Jesus) perspective: we do need God in this.  And as per usual, no one can policy us into it, or out of it.  And also as usual, there’s a real risk of us skewing too hard that way.  

Which way?  Any way.  I don’t like that, I don’t like the feeling of such imbalance.  When I see video after video of thugs accosting people in the streets, shrieking obscenities that don’t make sense, channeling a level of ignorant rage better suited to gorillas in heat, I *feel* — all kinds of things.  And it’s in the feeling of these things that I’m most wary, in a sense.  I mean, I think something’s outright wrong with a person who can view these scenes and not feel these things (ie, not just woke but Flagstaff woke), so it’s not that.  It’s just that I know how conflict averse I can be.  I know how empathetic I generally am, even to people way off the rails.  I know that it’s highly uncharacteristic for me to entertain violent thoughts, which I think it’s our responsibility to mitigate, for the most part.  I don’t think violence is an answer for very much, although it can’t ever be dispensed with entirely.  Like Jordan Peterson says: the whole point is to have a sword, be proficient in its use, and mostly keep it sheathed; those three things.  

I know that hard heartedness can be melted almost instantaneously, and I’ve seen it happen — usually involving animals or music.  When our hardheartedness stutters, for even a second, there’s a real risk of becoming suffused with love once again, because that’s who and what we are, fundamentally.  No one’s so entrenched in their anger that God, yes God, can’t find the path of least resistance to their heart, and for the rest of us witnessing, it’s our job to hold emotional space for that, even when we see no evidence of its occurring.  I know, when I see these videos, that that’s my work.  

It’s just hard to…entirely forego the pleasure of anger, and my anger response is off the charts on this stuff.  I’m not concerned about my own anger response, which I think is healthy, I’m concerned about its degree and by now chronic presence, and what that implies about the volatility of the general populace.  I can’t even decide if the idea of a civil war sounds bad or good to me, right now.  Intellectually: definitely bad.  The part of me that sees red, though, watching these thugs run roughshod over our communities, definitely isn’t my intellect.  It’s something stronger.  

I’m a Taurus/Dragon, according the the Western and Eastern zodiacs, respectively.  Stubborn and slow to anger and then kind of immovable, once I do, in keeping with the bull; but there’s also a broad streak of batshit crazy Targaryen mixed in there, per the dragon.  I don’t feel, or sense, that I have a shred of aggressor in me, but aggressive defense is a different story.  And I feel something very important is being threatened right now.  This wounded, and yet alarmingly uncalloused, generation feels the need to tear down a structure that they clearly don’t have the first glimmering of an idea of how to improve, let alone replace, and I really don’t like that they all seem so sold on the idea without the ability to clearly articulate its merit, and I really don’t like that Yuri Bezmenov’s words from 1984 seem so prescient and ominous now.  

We’re already long-past the “demoralizing” stage, according to Bezmenov’s rundown of the psy-ops timeline, and the last thing anyone’s interested in right now is “moralizing”, but that’s exactly what we gotta do, as individuals.  Re-moralize.  The re-moralizing will not be televised 🙂  And it starts with doing for ourselves what we’ll ideally do for one another: holding space for the return of love, somehow, some way.  That’s not to say we don’t have swords and we don’t know how to use them, but there’s always the slight chance of a miracle.  

Aaaaaand, there’s also the tactical water cannons.                                                                                        

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